mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
