I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
