my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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