Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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