It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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