he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
