I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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