If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
