I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
