We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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