I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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