i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how does that bad decision feel?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
