ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
