what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
