I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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