we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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