You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
