this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
