You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
