sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
