I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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