I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
