Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
