I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
