i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
