Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
