I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
