And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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