Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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