Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
