I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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