Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
