my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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