And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
