is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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