Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I could teleport
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
