do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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