I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
