I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
