I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
