You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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