just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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