I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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