check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
