Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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