YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
