What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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