ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
