I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just wanna soil my oats bro
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I want is dick and wine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
