did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just invented taco cereal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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