When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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