Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
