peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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